Heart Meditations

Do you like Jesus but hate hypocrites in the church?  Are you tired of being one of those hypocrites?  I have decided from now on I’m going to be an honest sinner.

Scripture – Acts 5:1-11 

Observation – The verse that particularly stands out to me is verse 4.

Application -This is perhaps one of the most uncomfortable passages in scripture for me.  What is especially disturbing is that this Old Testament style judgment story happens right at the heart of the perfect New Testament grace filled church.  I’ve heard of being slain in the Spirit but seriously why is the Holy Spirit killing church members? And not just any church members but people who had sold land, made a sacrifice, given to the mission of the church?

Peter makes it clear that Holy Spirit’s problem is not that they did not give all the money.  In fact Peter says that before they sold it the property belonged to them and even after they sold it the money was theirs.  The Holy Spirit doesn’t need our money, our talents, our ideas or our efforts.  In fact God is accommodating us when He allow us to bring Him our gifts offerings.  It is much like my wife and I might do when our daughters brings us their ‘art’.  We don’t accept it and put in the wall because it is actually amazing art but because it represents a true act of love on the part of our girls.  The truth is that God wants my heart not my help.

This story is difficult to understand, but when I look at the cross of Jesus and see what the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were willing to go through to save us I must conclude that God against us but for us.  So this tragedy must somehow have been the better of two evils.  Like giving someone Chemo to try and save there life.   In other words the Holy Spirit came to the painful conclusion that it would be ultimately better for the fledgling church if these two beloved prominent wealthy members suddenly died than if they continued to live in this particular sin.

God wasn’t just killing all the sinners in the early church, right?  If that was the case then why didn’t racist Peter die, why wasn’t Paul the murder of Christians killed?   What about the Judaisers who later worked against Paul by undoing the work of the gospel?  Why was being less than honest with the Holy Spirit the line in the sand?  Why is lying, why is deception so upsetting to God?

I don’t know that I have any real answers but what keeps coming to my mind is that God would rather an authentic racist than an inauthentic giver.  He would rather someone who is honestly flawed then someone who dishonestly perfect.  He would rather a person who told the truth about their inability to give God all they set out to give Him than to pretend in front of others that they were giving their all.  God loves an honest sinner but hates a dishonest saint.

There are many people who have been put of God because the people who claim to follow God say one thing but do another.  Even thought they don’t understand everything about faith and theology they know enough to recognise that hypocrisy is abhorrent.  God acted to surgical removed this cancer of fakeness from the early church.  While I am not saying we need more Christian to get slain in church, I do wonder whether if christians were more honest about their weaknesses, if we spoke more about God’s grace then our greatness, if more people might give faith a try?

God is saying to me that He really needs me to be honest with Him, and with myself. To be real about what I am keeping back from Him. A little while ago I was in an early morning prayer group for a couple of months with some close friends.  The purpose  of the group had been to keep each other accountable in prayer and our walk with God.  It was a real blessing.  At first there was such a buzz about our prayer group, I felt so powerful and filled with the Spirit.  After a while, however, I started to notice a change in myself.  It was getting harder to get up early to join the group. I could feel my motivation waning but I struggled to be completely honest about this with the group.  I didn’t want to disappoint them. I didn’t want them to know that I (the Pastor) struggle with my motivation to connect with God.  Ironically I was more willing to admit the ‘bigger’ mistakes I had made (that occurred less often), than this ‘small’ attitude of my heart (that I was living with on a daily basis).

I often come to a place where I feel tired of giving God everything. My time, my energy, my money, my life.  I want to keep some back for myself.  I am hearing God say to me that I must be honest about this.  I must not portray myself as being more committed and more faultless than I really am.  When I do this I am not lying to the people around me but to the Holy Spirit.

Grieving the Holy Spirit, causing the Holy Spirit cry heart wrenching tears, is an unpardonable sin.  Why is He grieved?  His heart is broken that He can no longer get through to us because, in our pride, we refuse to admit the truth about our heart’s condition.  He weeps because he knows that without His help we will be lost forever.  Why is it an unpardonable sin? Who will bring us to conviction about our true condition if we continue to be in denial and we disregard of the voice of the Spirit.  If we refuse to confess our sin, how can He be faithful and just to forgive us?  This is why from now by God’s grace I am going to be an honest sinner.

Prayer– God help me not to be an honest sinner.  What difference does it make whether your judgement against me comes at the end of time or part way through my life?  Forgive your church for our  pretence and posturing.  Forgive me for my people pleasing.  Forgive me for giving the impression that things are better than they really are, for pretending to be be giving all when I’m holding back some.

Lord, honestly, I am scared of your Spirit.  Spirit I feel like You have an unfair advantage.  You can read my thoughts and motives.  You know everything that flashes across my mind.  You know the block that has been in my heart recently that has kept me from the Word.  You know the confusion I have felt lately over hearing your voice and the difficulty I have had in obeying it.  You know that what started out as joy is hardening into drudgery.  You know how my desire and thirst for You seems to be slowly replaced by duty and guilt.  I am crying out to You to have mercy on me.  I have no power of my own, I can not even surrender all of myself to You.  My promises are ropes of sand and I despair of ever being able to keep them.  Please Father pour your Spirit out on me and place Your Spirit within me.  It is my only hope.

Amen