Heart Meditations

I often tempted to mine people for confidence and self-esteem but you will never guess what I discovered…

I am a very insecure person.  I spend a lot of time worrying about what people are thinking of me.  I worry about my weight or how I look in my clothes.  I worry about my ministry especially the areas of my deficiencies.  So for many years I have been tempted to mine people for confidence or affirmation.  You know that feeling you get when someone says you look good, or have done well, it make you feel confident and good about yourself.  I am tempted to do things in order to get those complements.  Now I don’t want you to start feeling bad for me, I am ok, in fact I am sure many of you have had the same experience but I have discovered a much better source of confidence.

Scripture – Acts 4:19-22

Observation – I noticed this morning that Peter and John felt compelled to speak.  What they had experienced was of such a character that not speaking about it is not an option.  They were not speaking about something they had studied, or something they had been trained to say, they were speaking about what they had seen and heard.  They had personally witnessed the healing of a man sick for over 40 years.  They had personally witnessed death and resurrection of Jesus.  These events were not theoretical to them they were fact.  Their experiences gave them boldness in the face of threats and opposition.

Application – For me the take home message is, you can’t witness about what you haven’t seen or heard.  By definition a witness has to see or hear something to be credible.  If you haven’t seen or heard anything at best your a gossip at worse a liar.

Could it be that many of us spend most of our time talking about things we haven’t seen or heard.  We gossip about situations we have no idea about.  We are ready to give advice to people before we even listen.  In fact what we often call witnessing is really indoctrination in a set of beliefs rather than an introduction to a living experience.  Like John and Peter he witness I can give that will silence my opponents, that will result in people praising God, is to speak of what I have personally experienced of God.

I need to have confidence in the experiences that God has given me.  The things I have seen and heard from Him in my life.  The things he shows me in His word.  I need to have confidence that my experiences with God have the potential to make a difference in the lives of others.  God is also calling me to experience more of Him.  The key to greater boldness for God is a deeper experience with God.  If I am seeking confidence in the approval of others I will constantly crave their affirmation but if my confidence grows from what I am experiencing with God then I will have an inexhaustible mine of confidence.

As some of you may know I have been struggling for a while with whether I should be more intentional about my online ministry.  It’s so strange, I have no problem getting up in front on hundreds of people but posting my blog or videos on Facebook has been difficult for me. I have worried about whether people would think I was trying to promote myself.  I have worried that no one would be interested at all.  But God has been gracious to me and has used many of you to encourage me to go forward with this.  I have come to the place where I realise I have to speak about, blog about, upload, what I have seen and heard.

Prayer – Lord you choose the path my life follows.  You know the expereinces you have given me and the purpose they fulfil in your plan.  Both the negative and the positive things that have happened to me, use them to touch others.  May I be unable to but speak of what I have seen and heard.  Show me more.

Amen